The Falls

For the first time in my life, I feel at peace…. Not happy… just, at peace.

I don’t feel like questioning myself about anything and I definitely am not saying that I don’t have any doubts about anything… because that would be the biggest lie ever said. I wouldn’t say that we are “only” human beings as I very well know that every leaf on a tree is unique and has its own Importance;  for all of them together make the tree complete.

 We have questions to which each day we strive to find answers… but yes, I know that I am taking the right path….. Actually No, not the right path, a fast path. I believe that all paths lead to the same destination, it’s just that each path takes a different amount of time.

 There is something about now- this night, it’s not dark… I can see all the colors so vividly that it’s almost like I’m not here anymore… I am no longer in the car….. I don’t see my parents anymore…. I can hear only the music…….. I close my eyes.

I am in a forest and there is a strangely narrow path. I can only see very little in the light of the lantern in my hand. Even in this dark unknown path, I seem to feel oddly at home; know not why or how, but I know that I am confident….

 A weird familiarity…...

 A presence of security……

I follow the tracks of my existence, leading me where I know not yet… I take the steps, steady and strong; the trees sway in the wind, taking steps according to the music I still can hear very distinctively. The leaves start to fall one by one, none touching the ground as the wind takes charge. Looking up, I see the stars above me.                         

 As I move forward, the music starts to fade off. Replacing it, I hear water- the splash of water on something hard. The combination of fragile and strong. I close my eyes and try to listen more clearly. A waterfall. I follow the sound.

Now I can almost feel the water, taste it. My eyes open.

The crystal clear water falling from the mountain hit the rocks, grumbling and rumbling. Tears roll down my eyes….  It was just me and the luscious fall under the moon surrounded by trees. The water lilies trembled in the tremors created by the forceful hit of the water.

Today morning, I remember not being able to accept myself due to a strong feeling of guilt. Guilt- a feeling so sharp, having the power to both create and destroy. But the absolute sad part here was that this was not born as a side effect to any crime that I’ve committed; but, due to the distrust that I have formed for myself now, as I’ve let myself get used to something/someone… bringing into my life a connection; the weakest of its kind, the sort having its roots grounded in a lone emotion. I knew like all the others, this feeling would too have a highly lit peak after which its existence would be questioned… and, I could feel that peak getting closer each day, bringing with it a huge load of regret and pain.

And yet I am here, at the falls, feeling no regret… no hurt…no anger.

“We’ve reached home” Like drums, it hit my ears. With an unknown rush, I open my eyes. Everything is gone, disappeared.

The car stops in front of our house. Though everything looks the same, I know something has changed. I feel chaos even in this silence.